My qualifications to write this article:
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH
ACTUAL ECHO CHAMBER AT THE MARTHA PIPER PLAZA
Genuinely designed for screaming. Here, you can hear your demons reflected back at you in some sort of sciency 4D surround-sound experience.
This is where all the first years go to yell inappropriate things to put on their private snapchat stories.
TOWER BEACH AT NIGHT
Sound travels wonderfully across water. I know this because once when I was a teenager I screamed some song lyrics across a lake and someone (a mysterious duo of grown men) yelled back “I’M COMING” and also some monkey noises. As the voices came closer, I ran home and cried.
Tower Beach is probably a good place to scream at night because it’s very dramatic and cinematic and maybe the mermaids will scream back.
SWNG LECTURE HALL
I have always really wanted to scream in a SWNG lecture hall. I’ve never had a bad class there, but the design of the rooms creates an optimal alignment where you can stand at the back and everyone will have to dramatically turn and look up at you. The doors also slam extra loud for when you make your exit.
I would never actually do this. I just like it conceptually.
Everyone here is either crying or making out. The former won’t hear your screams over the sound of their own sobs, and the latter deserves to be scared because how dare they be happy!
NORTH PARKADE ROOFTOP
A cursed place.
Now equipped with residence buildings enclosing you on each side, let loose your loudest AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Benefits of this location: feel like you’re in some sort of postmodern coming of age teen movie, piss off people in their dorms trying to study, appear troubled and mysterious and maybe be mentioned on UBC Crushes. Cons: someone will mention it on Reddit, and then you’ll be associated with Reddit.
THE 49 LINE-UP
Everyone else is already screaming internally, so do everyone a favour and let loose.
ROBERT F. OSBORNE CENTRE
There’s nothing that takes me back more than setting foot in this liminal space.
Are you a gym? An exam room? Who (or what) occupies this space when I’m not here? Who is Robert? Why is it a centre? The centre of what?
I took my very first final exam here in first year (sans scream). A haven of stressed, sunlight-deprived students filled with a strong bodily-odour-induced stench like no other — perfect for a little scream.