I’m brave. I’m bold. I’m a survivor — nay — a trooper — no — a warrior. And I did it all for you. This is my story, this is my truth, this is my tale. One shot, one opportunity, mom’s spaghetti.
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I don’t believe in throwing away time for trivial matters like sleep, school or employment. Hopefully, you’ll be inspired by my actions to make more out of your time off from classes as well.
“Ironically enough, campus speedrunning is a marathon, not a sprint,” said Discord user SweatWeasel98 in a 360p video call on ubcsecure that cut out seconds later.
Find the link between the starred clues
Unfortunately, the Ubyssey writer assigned to cover this (Landen) was otherwise occupied bombing their midterm, and was unable to see the game proper.
The humour section has previously torn down UBC presidents (for shame), but you have a breakfast-themed name, so we would never do that to you.
Spooky scary story
I was a statue, haunted by the phantom of my former self, metal handle tight between my fingers as I grimaced at the students who passed.
The library would be packed on any other night. This was finally my chance to get a good spot.
Suddenly, as if the universe had heard me, a MasterChef audition invite arrived in my inbox.
I thought he was mere folklore — a boogeyman, a myth that goes bump(?) in the night.
To the fridge I head, seeking the only comfort this pale life offers me.
It's brother-against-brother, cats-eating-their-own-young, neighbors-knocking-over-each-others-bins-and-blaming-raccoons — society!?
Nosh Hunt columnists were too busy to meet with the Hotel Hell guy, so we at the humour section sat down with Ramsay instead.